Surviving and Thriving After a Major "Lifequake"
Written By: DeRoux Jones, Registered Psychotherapist
Just as a physical earthquake can shake the very ground beneath us, a "lifequake"—a major life disruption—can leave us feeling unsteady and disoriented. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a career setback, the end of a relationship, or a significant health challenge, lifequakes have the potential to upend our sense of security and stability. However, much like with an actual earthquake, there are ways to not only survive the aftermath but to thrive and rebuild a life of greater strength and purpose.
As a Registered Psychotherapist in Ontario, I’ve seen firsthand how the principles of surviving an earthquake can apply to life’s biggest emotional and psychological tremors. Let’s explore five key strategies to help you navigate your way through a lifequake.
1. Secure Your Foundation: Self-Care & Emotional Grounding
In an earthquake, the foundation of a building is critical to its survival. The same goes for us during a lifequake—our emotional and physical foundation must be secured. This starts with self-care. When life feels chaotic, we often neglect basic needs like sleep, nutrition, and emotional well-being, but these are essential to keeping our foundation strong.
Take time each day to engage in self-care practices:
Get enough rest to replenish your energy.
Eat balanced meals to nourish your body.
Practice mindfulness or grounding techniques to keep yourself emotionally centered.
Just as an earthquake survivor must assess the safety of their home, it's essential to regularly check in with yourself, asking, “Am I okay? What do I need right now?” Rebuilding begins with ensuring your foundation is strong.
2. Survey the Damage: Acknowledge and Process Your Emotions
After an earthquake, people survey the damage to assess what’s been lost and what can be repaired. When facing a lifequake, it’s equally important to survey the emotional impact. Give yourself permission to feel and acknowledge the range of emotions that arise—grief, anger, confusion, or even numbness
Trying to push these feelings aside can cause more emotional "aftershocks." Instead, allow yourself time to process the situation. This may involve journaling, talking to a trusted friend or therapist, or engaging in creative expression. Naming and confronting your emotions is the first step to healing.
3. Brace for Aftershocks: Cultivate Resilience
Just as earthquakes are often followed by aftershocks, lifequakes can bring additional challenges or smaller emotional tremors. Cultivating resilience—our ability to bounce back—is crucial. Resilience doesn’t mean avoiding discomfort; rather, it’s the ability to adapt and grow despite it.
To build resilience, practice flexibility in your thinking. Lifequakes often shake up our assumptions and expectations, so allow yourself to reframe the situation. Instead of focusing solely on the loss, ask yourself what new opportunities might arise from this disruption. What have you learned about yourself, your values, or your relationships during this time?
Additionally, lean on your support network—friends, family, or a therapist. Just as a building reinforced by strong beams is more likely to withstand an earthquake, a person bolstered by social support can better withstand life’s tremors.
4. Rebuild with Intention: Redefine Your Priorities
In the aftermath of an earthquake, rebuilding is often done with greater intention, incorporating improvements to prevent future disasters. Similarly, after a lifequake, there’s an opportunity to rebuild your life with renewed clarity about what truly matters to you.
Use this time to reassess your values and priorities. What aspects of your life feel worth preserving? What might you want to let go of? Just as rebuilding a damaged house may involve discarding unstable parts, you may find it necessary to release old patterns, toxic relationships, or limiting beliefs that no longer serve you.
This is also a time to set new, realistic goals. Don’t feel the need to rush—rebuilding takes time, and small, consistent steps will move you forward. Focus on actions that align with your core values and contribute to a sense of purpose and fulfillment.
5. Prepare for Future Quakes: Develop Coping Skills
In earthquake-prone areas, people learn to prepare for future quakes by creating safety plans and securing their homes. Likewise, surviving a lifequake provides an opportunity to develop coping skills that will help you handle future challenges with greater ease.
This can include emotional regulation techniques, stress management strategies, and tools for maintaining mental health during difficult times. Working with a therapist can help you build a psychological "emergency kit" that includes coping mechanisms like cognitive reframing, relaxation exercises, and problem-solving strategies.
By strengthening your emotional toolkit, you increase your ability to face future lifequakes without feeling overwhelmed or destabilized.
Embrace the Rebuilding Process
Lifequakes may leave us shaken, but they also provide a powerful opportunity for transformation. By taking steps to secure your foundation, process your emotions, cultivate resilience, and rebuild with intention, you can not only survive but thrive after a major life disruption.
Remember, just as communities rebuild stronger and more resilient structures after an earthquake, so too can we emerge from lifequakes with greater wisdom, inner strength, and a renewed sense of purpose.
If you are going through a lifequake and feel overwhelmed, you don’t have to face it alone. Reach out for support. As a registered psychotherapist, I’m here to help guide you through the process of healing and rebuilding.
Stay grounded, stay resilient, and know that new beginnings are possible—even after the most intense quakes.
---
DeRoux Jones is a Registered Psychotherapist specializing in helping individuals navigate life's challenges and major transitions. He utilizes evidence-based therapies like cognitive-behavioural therapy and schema therapy to promote healing and personal growth.
